How to Spend More Money Than You make

Posted By Jay Jones on Jul 26, 2014

Are you tired of scrimping and saving to barely get by? Are you fed up with putting every last penny away to secure your financial future? I say it’s time to revolt and throw caution and planning to the wind!

Following are 10 tips that will help you join the coalition of the witless!

1. Be sure to go shopping on an empty stomach. And take plenty of children with you. If you don’t have any, borrow the neighbors’.
2. Buy a weight machine, treadmill, stationary bike or some other expensive exercise equipment that you’ll never use for anything but a clothes rack.
3. When you plan to have kids, make sure they’re all girls. You’ll be sure to go into debt quick then.
4. When you do have those girls, make sure they’re smart enough to want to attend college, and that you make just enough money to not qualify for financial aid.
5. In the winter, be sure to tell your kids to leave the front door wide open while you adjust the thermostat to sauna temeratures to knock off the chill.
6. Instead of paying the $200 for new tires on the used car, go trade it in for a $350 a month new car as a “treat”.
7. Try to never plan for meals. It’s much more ‘convenient’ to go out and let someone else worry about the menu. Oh, and be sure that when you do go buy groceries for the house that there’s more than you can consume and you have to throw them out.
8. Oh, I forgot about the credit card. Be sure to take full advantage of the credit limit you’re offered, and only pay the minimum payment. That way, only about $13 for every $200 you give them will actually go towards your debt. That will help immensely.
9. Did I mention not taking your lunch to work? I will now. It’s a great idea to do fast food every day, because then you can waste about $120 a month. We’re doing good! Now it’s really adding up!
10. Lastly, never plan for a vacation. Better to do it on the spur of a moment… you know, all “spontaneous” and all. And be sure to put it on the credit card, too. If there’s room left.

See, all it takes to make sure you’re financially unhappy for the rest of your life is a little afterthought and consistency.